FIL Passes Away

The Merry Widow??????

I really loved FIL, and am upset over his passing. It doesn't help that I feel like I am trapped inside one of those daytime soaps.

First MIL and SO accompanied SIL to the family viewing before the wake. What is it about these EX wives, that don't get they aren't part of the family anymore????? This was extremely awkward because SO used to be married to one of FIL's siblings, they DON'T WANT THEIR EX AT THEIR BROTHER'S WAKE, AND THEIR SPOUSE CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT THE EX AROUND HER HUSBAND. Ray (who is dying of cancer) tells me and several other people that he doesn't want SO & MIL at his funeral. This will cause problems later, but it's another post.

Then SIL makes a big deal about putting something (wrapped in a handkerchief) in the casket for FIL. Step-MIL enlist my aid in retrieving it. SIL has put a locket in the casket that has Love Forever & FIL's name on it, inside is a picture of FIL & MIL (wearing the locket) on one side and SIL on the other. Step-MIL is upset and throws the locket in the trash (I don't blame her).

Then there is the flowers ............................

Jay's (Dragon's half brother) wife Lisa calls, they are going to send an arrangement from the children, would we like to go in with them? and how much would we like to contribute. I really like the way Lisa handled this. She didn't pressure anyone to contribute a certain amount as she knew some people could afford more then others and she ASKED if we would like to be included. We told her yes. Dragon asked if she had called SIL, yes she had but SIL said she didn't want to be included. Dragon assumed SIL didn't have the money so he gave Lisa more cash and asked her to put SIL's name on the arrangement too, which Lisa did. Which made what SIL did even tackier, SIL sent an arrangement that had beloved HUSBAND and beloved Father on it, it was signed Love MIL (who has been divorced from FIL for 30 years), SIL & her brat, Dragon, and SBIL. Neither Dragon's or SBIL's wives or children were mentioned, and neither one of her brothers knew she was sending the arrangement. But get this she expects DRAGON to PAY FOR IT. It's not happening, we went in with the other kids and I am not paying for two arrangements especially since this one is so hurtful, and especially since she excluded ME and Dragon's kids from the card while including her own brat. If I pay for something it darn well better have my name and my kids names on it. For once Dragon backs me up. It's a mixture of white roses and 5 red roses representing MIL, SIL & her brat, Dragon, & SBIL (and I'll explain the significance of the roses later). Needless to say Step-MIL and the half siblings are upset.

The wake is a nightmare, MIL plops herself in the receiving line and introduces herself as "THE WIDOW". When people who know he is married to Step-MIL look at her weird she explains "I AM DRAGON SR'S FIRST WIFE' (like he is a polygamist), when they still look at her weird she says "I AM DRAGON JR'S MOTHER". MIL has also made a big deal of wanting a copy of FIL death certificate, supposedly for her scrapbook. When they order death certificates Dragon makes sure MIL gets one.

At the graveside SIL grandstands. She takes the red roses out of the flower arrangement she sent that she has made sure was placed at the head of the grave, and hands one to Dragon, one to SBIL, one to her brat, one to MIL and keeps one for herself. They are instructed that they are to walk up to the grave say something about how much they love FIL and throw the rose in. Step-MIL, the half siblings and the spouses and children of Dragon and SBIL have HURTFULLY been left out of this touching display that SIL has arranged. Dragon does get upset with her about this on his Step-MIL's and half siblings behalf but buys that she just didn't realize they would be upset. Sweet angelic SIL would never deliberately hurt anyone!!!!!!!

(FIL is retired and drawing SS at the time of his death. Step-MIL is also retired and receives a small pension from a job she previously worked at) A couple of months after FIL's death, Step-MIL returns to the workforce. Dragon ask why Step-MIL has gone back to work. She explains that without FIL's SS she can't afford to retire early and that she will have to wait until she is 62 until she can draw it. She is only 55 now. Dragon lets it slip that MIL (who is now 63) is drawing FIL's SS. Step-MIL tries to tell him that she can't be drawing FIL's SS as she is NOT his widow. This apparently is news to Dragon. I guess now we know why MIL wanted a copy of the death certificate. I predict that when Step-MIL hits 62 and attempts to draw SS as FIL's widow the fat will hit the fan......................... But in the meantime MIL and SO's money woes are over.

GIL Passes Away - Part III

Selling The House

Some idiot of a real estate agent convinced Dragon if he would spend 5K on cosmetic changes (new paint & carpet) that they could get 80K for the house, and that it would be easy to sell because it's in the best school district in Hades.

Dragon refused to listen to anything I had to say. To any logic I tried to insert he would reply YOU ARE NOT A REAL ESTATE AGENT! OK, I am not a real estate agent, but I have been a home buyer and I know that 1.) I want to pick out the color paint and carpet for my new home. You are not going to score brownie points with me because you put fresh paint on the walls and new carpet on the floor IF it's not what I would have picked out. I am still going to try to get the house for less so I can change the color scheme to my choice not the previous owners. 2.) The only people who care if a house is in a good school district are people who have kids or are planning on having kids. In other words people who will be using the schools. People who have kids or are planning on having kids want something larger then a small one bedroom, one bath house. They actually want room for their kids or potential kids.

So Dragon gets a 5K personal loan behind my back to fix the house up and goes to Hades for a month to remodel it. The house is finally ready to be put on the market. Three months later a potential home buyer makes an offer. An older single woman on a fixed income who is depending on a HUD loan. Big surprise, the house doesn't meet HUD requirements, there is some structural damage to the house, which will cost more money then Dragon has to fix, until it is fixed HUD will not loan money for the house (Dragon assumed that since his Grandmother had a HUD Loan, and the real estate agent led him to believe that since that was the case, it would meet HUD requirements -this is not true).

6 months later, no other offers have been made on the house. In the meantime we are still having to make payments on the 5K personal loan.

A year later Dragon is offered 70K for the house. The same real estate agent that told him he could get 80K if he would spend money painting it, and putting new carpet in advises him to take the 70K. The potential new owner doesn't like the color paint or carpet Dragon installed, so she isn't willing to pay more, since she insist it will have to be redone. Dragon accepts the 70K offer. The money barely covers the cost of the real estate agent, the remainder GIL owed on her mortgage and repays the personal loan Dragon took out, what little is left over goes to repay the credit card companies and the title loan company GIL owes money too. Dragon is crushed that MIL and Aunt CC aren't going to get anything from the sell of the house and our marriage is in shambles. Now in HINDSIGHT, he wishes he had let the title loan company have the car (instead of wasting his time and money fixing it up to sell), now in Hindsight he wouldn't have wasted his time and money fixing up the house. He even admits he should have listened to ME!!!

At last the nightmare is finally over and we can get back to our lives.....................................

GIL Passes Away - Part II

Two Years Later and GIL Still Haunts Us!

First off GIL died without a will. They found a copy of a will that a lawyer at legal aid drew up for her. In it she left everything to SIL. SBILSW is furious and is ranting about how hurt SBIL is. But they can't find the original so it is a moot point in the eyes of the law she died without a will the copy doesn't count. Which means they don't have to honor the fact that GIL names her younger sister as the executor in the copy of the will they found. MIL insist that Dragon should be the administrator even though we live out of town. (Our life will now be put on HOLD for two years while Dragon deals with GIL's estate).

MIL also insist that Dragon deal with ALL the funeral arrangements, which means he has to leave for Hades a week before the funeral, MIL insist that there is no reason for me and the kids to come up with him, we can wait and come up the day before the funeral. I am so tired of that B*** trying to run my life. The day of the funeral me and the kids are out at my Mother's visiting with them, Dragon insist that WE must get to the funeral home an hour before the funeral, which I do. Dragon, MIL, SO, SIL, Aunt CC, SBIL, & SBILSW are not there. The arrangements haven't been finalized so the funeral director ask me to make the decisions, as I am the only one there (Of course whatever I do will be wrong). A scant five minutes before the funeral Dragon, MIL, SO and SIL arrive. MIL didn't have any gas in the SUV, the van wouldn't start, SIL's car isn't big enough to hold everyone, and Jade had Dragon's car (actually it's my car but MIL always refers to it as Dragon's, Dragon has a pickup). So Dragon had to work on the van in order to get it started before the funeral, making them LATE. SBIL & SBILSW are late because they got in a fight before the funeral, and arrive as we are walking into the sanctuary. But other then that we get GIL buried without a hitch.

Now the real nightmare begins. GIL had 10 maxed out credit cards, a house with a HUD mortgage that is falling apart and she got a title loan on her car for more then it is worth. But MIL is screaming that Dragon can't let them repossess GIL's car. So STUPID Dragon has the car towed to our house at MIL's insistence so the title company can't find it. I just love having a junk car sitting in my yard. Then she insist that GIL's house needs to be fixed up before they can sell it. The fact that there isn't any money to fix it up isn't a problem Dragon can just get a loan!!!!! So STUPID Dragon gets a personal loan to fix GIL's house up. Never mind that we are living in a fixer upper that isn't fixed because WE HAVE BEEN SAVING OUR MONEY AND DOING ONE ROOM AT A TIME AS WE GET THE MONEY, BECAUSE DRAGON DIDN'T WANT TO BORROW MONEY TO FIX OUR HOME. Not only did Dragon get a loan to fix the house up he also took a month off from work in order to go to Hades and work on the damn house. So I don't see my hubby for an entire month while he lives with his Mommy and fixes up GIL's home, and he wonders why I am not a happy camper and accuses me of not supporting him. I didn't realize support meant endorsing STUPID ideas, instigated by his Mother. He is also down on himself because GIL owed so much money, HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE FOR HER, HE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER MONEY! Never mind that most of the charges on the credit cards were for expensive wedding gifts for people she barely knew, never mind that the biggest charge on her credit card was for a 2K shed for SIL. If he is upset with anyone it should be SIL for taking advantage of GIL, but no he is MAD AT JADE BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T LET HIM THROW MONEY AT HIS FAMILY. He is also very depressed and winds up on anti-depressants.

MIL comes up with the STUPID idea that we should buy GIL's junk car for BB, who will be graduating this year. Dragon and I get in huge fights because I refused to allow him to buy the piece of JUNK. It doesn't RUN, it doesn't have air bags, it doesn't have anti-lock brakes..........it's a death trap. IF it was any good then MIL would want it for herself, or SIL would want it, the fact that neither want it shows how little they think it is worth. Dragon FINALLY agrees to stick to our original plan, and BB gets a decent car. We still get saddled with the piece of JUNK until Dragon can sell it. First he has to fix it. The man who refuses to put oil in our cars because he HATES having to work on cars, is now spending all his free time working on this piece of JUNK. He finally gets it to run. We then have to buy insurance and a tag for it, so he can drive it. He drives it to work. My phone rings "Can I come get him the car won't start". Weeks later he gets it to run again, again he drives it to work, again my phone rings "Can I bring him his tool box, the car broke down on the way to work". He finally gets it to run long enough to sell it. He gets $600 for it. It cost him $300 at least in parts to fix it (I suspect it cost more, but I can only find receipts for $300). So MIL and Aunt CC split the remaining $300. The car loan company got $900 from the estate, so the car that MIL was terrified of them repossessing didn't even bring in as much money as the estate paid out to the title loan company.

Stay tuned for GIL Passes Away Part III (selling the house).