I really loved FIL, and am upset over his passing. It doesn't help that I feel like I am trapped inside one of those daytime soaps.
First MIL and SO accompanied SIL to the family viewing before the wake. What is it about these EX wives, that don't get they aren't part of the family anymore????? This was extremely awkward because SO used to be married to one of FIL's siblings, they DON'T WANT THEIR EX AT THEIR BROTHER'S WAKE, AND THEIR SPOUSE CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT THE EX AROUND HER HUSBAND. Ray (who is dying of cancer) tells me and several other people that he doesn't want SO & MIL at his funeral. This will cause problems later, but it's another post.
Then SIL makes a big deal about putting something (wrapped in a handkerchief) in the casket for FIL. Step-MIL enlist my aid in retrieving it. SIL has put a locket in the casket that has Love Forever & FIL's name on it, inside is a picture of FIL & MIL (wearing the locket) on one side and SIL on the other. Step-MIL is upset and throws the locket in the trash (I don't blame her).
Then there is the flowers ............................
Jay's (Dragon's half brother) wife Lisa calls, they are going to send an arrangement from the children, would we like to go in with them? and how much would we like to contribute. I really like the way Lisa handled this. She didn't pressure anyone to contribute a certain amount as she knew some people could afford more then others and she ASKED if we would like to be included. We told her yes. Dragon asked if she had called SIL, yes she had but SIL said she didn't want to be included. Dragon assumed SIL didn't have the money so he gave Lisa more cash and asked her to put SIL's name on the arrangement too, which Lisa did. Which made what SIL did even tackier, SIL sent an arrangement that had beloved HUSBAND and beloved Father on it, it was signed Love MIL (who has been divorced from FIL for 30 years), SIL & her brat, Dragon, and SBIL. Neither Dragon's or SBIL's wives or children were mentioned, and neither one of her brothers knew she was sending the arrangement. But get this she expects DRAGON to PAY FOR IT. It's not happening, we went in with the other kids and I am not paying for two arrangements especially since this one is so hurtful, and especially since she excluded ME and Dragon's kids from the card while including her own brat. If I pay for something it darn well better have my name and my kids names on it. For once Dragon backs me up. It's a mixture of white roses and 5 red roses representing MIL, SIL & her brat, Dragon, & SBIL (and I'll explain the significance of the roses later). Needless to say Step-MIL and the half siblings are upset.
The wake is a nightmare, MIL plops herself in the receiving line and introduces herself as "THE WIDOW". When people who know he is married to Step-MIL look at her weird she explains "I AM DRAGON SR'S FIRST WIFE' (like he is a polygamist), when they still look at her weird she says "I AM DRAGON JR'S MOTHER". MIL has also made a big deal of wanting a copy of FIL death certificate, supposedly for her scrapbook. When they order death certificates Dragon makes sure MIL gets one.
At the graveside SIL grandstands. She takes the red roses out of the flower arrangement she sent that she has made sure was placed at the head of the grave, and hands one to Dragon, one to SBIL, one to her brat, one to MIL and keeps one for herself. They are instructed that they are to walk up to the grave say something about how much they love FIL and throw the rose in. Step-MIL, the half siblings and the spouses and children of Dragon and SBIL have HURTFULLY been left out of this touching display that SIL has arranged. Dragon does get upset with her about this on his Step-MIL's and half siblings behalf but buys that she just didn't realize they would be upset. Sweet angelic SIL would never deliberately hurt anyone!!!!!!!
(FIL is retired and drawing SS at the time of his death. Step-MIL is also retired and receives a small pension from a job she previously worked at) A couple of months after FIL's death, Step-MIL returns to the workforce. Dragon ask why Step-MIL has gone back to work. She explains that without FIL's SS she can't afford to retire early and that she will have to wait until she is 62 until she can draw it. She is only 55 now. Dragon lets it slip that MIL (who is now 63) is drawing FIL's SS. Step-MIL tries to tell him that she can't be drawing FIL's SS as she is NOT his widow. This apparently is news to Dragon. I guess now we know why MIL wanted a copy of the death certificate. I predict that when Step-MIL hits 62 and attempts to draw SS as FIL's widow the fat will hit the fan......................... But in the meantime MIL and SO's money woes are over.